Today after a long conversation with my partner I felt myself pull away inside because it hit me that, forasmuch as I love my wife/hubby with all my heart, I dont truly understand some of the things she feels/wants/needs to feel whole in her own body, and I really wish I did.
When she tells me that shes thankful for me supporting her on one hand I think I am, and on the other I feel that I am failing by leaps and bounds. Some days when we talk about her starting T, and being her transition I get so confused that all I can do is become quiet and nod as she speaks while her words fall like roaring white noise on my ears, as confusing as it is deafening. I want to understand, and see where shes coming from so she knows without a doubt that I am right there with her every step of the way, but how can I do that if I truly dont understand what it is to feel how she feels. Ive never wanted to be anything other then who and what I am. I love my womanly body and traits and feel as at home in them as I do in my own apartment or when im laying in my wife's arms at night. Yes there are little things I would tweak, ie lose a little weight, or have longer hair - superficial things, but in the long run I dont feel like I was born into the wrong skin or gender and I feel that that is always gonna be my one real reason for not understanding her needs completely
